talisa_ahn: (Kitayama - Megane~!)
[personal profile] talisa_ahn
Title: Finding Balance
Pairing: Tamamori/Miyata (Kis-My-Ft2)
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Summary: For Kisumai’s next album, instead of solo songs, the members have been broken into pairs to release unit songs. This is Miyata and Tamamori’s story.
Notes: Written for aleena_mokoia during the [livejournal.com profile] je_united exchange last year. I know this is slightly under your requested rating but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Also thank you to [livejournal.com profile] snowqueenofhoth for not killing me and the wonderful mods. I’m so sorry you all had to put up with my poor time management. I really appreciate everything! >.<
original post


Miyata reads through the lyrics again before looking up at the handful of staff members sitting around the table. He’s a little surprised and tries to read the looks on their faces. “And this is the approved, final version?”

When they nod yes, Miyata takes a deep breath and tries to put on a face of confidence that he doesn’t quite feel. “Well, okay then.”

Meeting finished, Miyata asks their manager if he can get dropped off at Tamamori’s apartment instead of his own. He’s hoping that it doesn’t look weird today considering they’ve just finished a meeting about their unit song. Miyata tries not to ask often, since he’s not entirely sure how much their direct managers know about them.

He lets himself into the familiar apartment, knowing that Tamamori is still out filming a variety show. Making himself comfortable, he pulls out the lyrics sheet and his phone where the music has been transferred.

No longer having to worry about other people watching him for his reaction, Miyata listens to the song again, reading along with the lyrics. He notices that the same lyrics that had stuck out for him during the meeting still stand out now.

The world I see when I’m with you is so beautiful…

Miyata’s vision begins to blur. Tamamori is everything to him and having the opportunity to create this song together means so much. Still though, there’s that part inside him that wonders if it’s really okay for them to put this all out there. It’s one thing for Miyata to know how he feels about Tamamori, but it’s a completely different thing for them to make a song about it and parade it around for the whole world to see.

When Tamamori comes home, Miyata tries to greet him cheerfully, but as soon as he walks in, Tamamori has already seen right through him. Miyata lets himself get pulled into Tamamori’s strong embrace and breathes deep. “Nothing is wrong,” Miyata reassures him, eyes sliding closed. “I just need a minute.”

Tamamori gives him two before he pulls back slightly. “Let’s go lie down for a bit.”

Miyata lets Tamamori lead him to the bedroom and they crawl in bed. He pulls the covers over them and wraps an arm around Tamamori’s shoulders. Tamamori snuggles closer, resting his head close to Miyata’s neck. “Feel better now?”

It’s funny, Miyata muses. He does. Comfort just washes over him once he has Tamamori with him, soothing away the emotional drain he’d felt only moments ago. Tamamori’s presence alone makes him feel better. Steadier.

An easy silence falls over them, Tamamori tucked in warm along his side. Miyata thinks of the lyrics again. If he could really spend the rest of his life side by side with Tamamori, he’d be the happiest guy on earth.

And since he’s never really been big on that brain to mouth filter where Tamamori is concerned, he says just that.

Tamamori rolls his eyes, but Miyata sees the way the corner of his mouth turns upward, clearly pleased. “I guess I could do worse. So what’s with you today? You’re acting weird.”

“Have you seen the lyrics they wrote for our song?” Miyata asks.

“Manager-san sent them to me earlier tonight.” He stops and lifts his head to get a better look at Miyata’s face. “Is that what this is about? You don’t like our song?”

Miyata takes in the way Tamamori is looking at him like he’s crazy, the disbelief in his voice, and feels that knot of worry in his stomach loosen. “On the contrary. I like it a lot. It’s just… It’s just that they ring so true, you know? It’s as if the songwriter was in my head, took a look around, and then wrote this song with all of their findings. You’re not worried about what people will think?”

“I am,” Tamamori admits. He rests his chin on Miyata’s chest. “But I don’t want to make something solely based on worries about what other people will think. Singles and title songs might be one thing, but these unit songs are supposed to represent us right? I want our first song together to be amazing, and this song? The one they’ve written for us? If we just go for it, people will love it.”

Miyata smiles and brushes his fingers across Tamamori’s cheek. “How do you know?”

“Because I love our song too,” he says, sitting up to stretch. “I’m hungry. Make me food.”

There’s something about the way Tamamori has so much confidence in them that’s contagious. Still though, Miyata wishes their schedules overlapped more so that they can do all the unit song meetings together, but knowing that they’re on the same page here, he can now go into these meetings much more sure of himself when it comes to making suggestions.

“Can we change the title?” Miyata asks the music producer.

“What did you have in mind?”

“Well,” Miyata says, knowing that he’s starting to smile awkwardly the way he does when he’s trying not to be awkward but can’t do anything about it. “Lots of people think of BL when they think of TamaMiya right? How about something using those initials?”

One of the staff members nods. “For example, ‘something Love.’”

“Yeah, like ‘Be Love,’” he says, mostly as a joke since that’s really the title of an existing BL manga magazine, but then it actually becomes the title. Miyata smiles through the rest of the meeting, the whole time trying to decide if Tamamori will be amused or not, should he ever find out.

Miyata decides to keep his mouth shut.

They move onto meetings about the tour and what they want to do for the performance. Everyone throws out a bunch of ideas, but then Tamamori suggests a wedding ceremony and Miyata’s jaw drops. He recovers quick and comments that it’d certainly have impact and would be unforgettable, but his mind is in panic mode for the rest of the meeting.

After the meeting wraps up, he waits to see if Tamamori brings it up himself but when he doesn’t, Miyata says, “So um, that idea for our performance… the wedding… we gonna talk about that?” He mentally winces at the overly cheerful tone of his voice.

There’s a moment of hesitation before Tamamori replies that he’ll head over to Miyata’s place after he finishes up his next meeting so they can talk.

Unsure of how he feels and wanting someone to help him sort things out, Miyata contacts Kitayama. Luckily, Kitayama is free and readily agrees to meet him over dinner. Tucked away in the back corner of a restaurant, Miyata has him read the lyrics, listen to BE LOVE, and explains to him the direction in which they’re headed for the performance.

“Hmm…” Kitayama hums, picking up the lyrics sheet again. “Sounds good to me. Logical.”

Surprised, Miyata blinks at him. “What? Really?”

“Well, reading these lyrics and listening to the song, I think a wedding is kind of the obvious direction to head in,” Kitayama says a matter-of-factly. “You don’t think so?”

“I… I guess I didn’t even entertain the thought, so when it came up today, I was kind of blindsided.”

“Whose idea is it? Staff’s or Tama’s?”

“Tama’s,” Miyata replies, not understanding what Kitayama’s trying to get at.

“Good. That’s one less thing to worry about,” Kitayama explains. “He wouldn’t have suggested it if he hadn’t thought about it himself and wasn’t okay with the idea of marrying your big nose on stage, in front of thousands of fans.”

“Do you think the fans will hate it?”

“Mmm… A wedding is the logical direction to take this song,” Kitayama repeats after taking a moment to think. “Even more so when you take into account that the two of you are singing it. The shock will come from the fact that you’re actually going to have the wedding, not the idea of you being a couple… Mmm…”

“But?” Miyata prods when Kitayama falls silent.

Kitayama unfolds his arms and speaks carefully. “There’s a difference between fans shipping you two and them actually seeing you guys together. Holding a wedding can potentially cross the fanservice line.”

“If we joke around with it so that they don’t think we’re serious—“ he starts, but Kitayama shakes his head.

“Turning it into one big joke is not fair to you guys either,” he says firmly. “It’ll be a challenge to find a good balance, but I know the two of you will figure it out. You’ll know what feels right.”

Gratitude swells in Miyata’s chest but before he can say anything, their food arrives and they both turn their attention to the food in front of them. It’s probably for the best since blubbering will only lead to an embarrassing and awkward moment for them both.

After letting Kitayama treat him to dinner, Miyata heads home. He settles himself in with the BE LOVE lyrics out and presses play on the sound system. With the contents of today’s meeting and his talk with Kitayama in mind, he plays the song over and over again. Finally he hits pause and tries to let everything in his head just process while he stares at the blank ceiling.

At some point, he hears the front door unlock. He turns his head and watches Tamamori come in and toe off his shoes.

“I’m home,” Tamamori calls, shuffling into the room. He jumps a little when Miyata suddenly pushes off the couch and rushes over to envelop him in a tight hug.

Tamamori wraps his arms around him and hugging him back just as tight. They cling to each other for a moment.

“It’s okay right?” Tamamori whispers. “I know I should’ve said something to you first before suggesting that we hold a wedding in the middle of the performance, I just… You’re not mad?”

The thought of Tamamori worrying about him being mad is so bizarre that Miyata isn’t sure if he wants to laugh or cry. “How could I ever be mad at you? I mean, a little heads up would have been nice, yes, but I talked to Mitsu and I’ve been listening to BE LOVE on repeat since I got home and I know it’s gonna be a lot of work but I totally want to get married to you even if it’s on stage with thousands of people watching and—“

“Wait, wait. Slow down,” Tamamori says, pulling back enough that they can look each other in the eye. “What did you just say?”

“I’m not mad.”

“No, after that.”

“I talked to Mitsu?” Miyata tries, but Tamamori makes an impatient noise.

“NO. After that!

Miyata lets out an oh, brain finally catching up with his mouth. He smiles. “I totally want to get married to you.”

Tamamori’s entire face lights up. “Really?”

“Really!” Miyata says, hugging Tamamori tighter.

“So we’re doing this? I know it’s not really for real, but you’re not worried people will think we’re gross?”

Miyata takes a deep breath and solidifies his resolve. “You said it yourself. If we just go for it, people will love it because we love it.”

There are a bunch of details to hammer out and they’re both pretty shocked when the wedding idea in fact does get approved by management, but they still haven’t found that balance Kitayama had been talking about, until one day, Tamamori suggests something that just makes everything fall into place.

“What about creating a manga sequence that plays at the beginning and end of the performance?”

There’s a moment of silence where everyone stares at Tamamori, but then they’re all pouncing on the idea excitedly. One member of staff nods rapidly and exclaims, “And then everything we do during the actual song can be played off as just being a part of this BL manga. Yes!”

Miyata feels the warm wave of relief wash over him as he listens to them all talk it out. This could work.

He’s still bouncing after the meeting as he and Tamamori head back to their manager’s car. He wants to blow up and frame whatever TamaMiya manga gets drawn for BE LOVE. If, he reminds himself. They still have to find someone to draw it out for them. He can’t help but admit that if they do get a real, legitimate manga artist to draw something for them, a dream he didn’t even know existed will be fulfilled.

“Stop grinning like that,” Tamamori says, giving him the side-eye. “You’re gonna scare people.”

“I can’t help it. I really like the manga idea,” Miyata says, grinning even more. They climb into the black van and their manager slides the door shut for them. “What made you think of that anyway?”

Tamamori snaps his seat belt in. “The manga on your shelf actually. There was one in particular…”

That makes Miyata stop. “Oh?”

Tamamori turns toward him, eyebrow raised. “You named our song after a BL magazine.”

“…yes.”

Their manager climbs into the driver's seat and the van starts to pull out of the parking lot.

Tamamori huffs and resettles himself into his seat with his arms crossed. “It worked in the end so I won’t hold this against you,” he says finally.

Miyata grins and reaches over to grab his hand. Tamamori yanks it back but after a few tries, let’s Miyata intertwine their fingers. Softly rubbing his thumb over Tamamori’s hand, Miyata looks out the van’s window.

Tamamori squeezes his hand to get his attention. “Our song is pretty awesome,” he murmurs softly.

Miyata smiles back. “You mean our song is perfect.”



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June 2016

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